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Post by ♠Kari♠ on Nov 8, 2005 22:05:59 GMT -5
Im not finished im actually still working on it. Criticism please because im planning on fixing it when im done with the second chapter.
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Post by ♠Kari♠ on Nov 8, 2005 22:06:21 GMT -5
Currently untitled
Fruitcake, the gift that keeps on giving, that's what mom says every Christmas. Fruitcake is what mom was making for my aunt Martha right now. She only makes fruitcake for the people she dislikes, and she highly dislikes aunt Martha.
Hi, my name is Lainey. I live with my mom and older brother, Conner. My dad died when I was five years old.
"Morning mom." I said walking into the kitchen where my mom was getting ready to go somewhere after finishing her fruitcake.
"Wow you're up early, hun!" Mom knew I wasn't a morning person, but I had a feeling today was going to be a good day so I got up early.
"Couldn't sleep. Where are you going? What's for breakfast?"
"I can't make breakfast today I have a job interview!"
"Uh-oh don't tell me Conner is cooking!" Conner was a ladies man but he was still the worst cook on earth.
"No Lainey just have some cereal." Something was on moms mind and I wanted to know what.
"What's the matter mom?" "Nothing!" "Whatever."
At that moment Conner walked into the room, "Whatever, what?"
"Nothing!" Mom and I said in chorus. Then came the hurt sounding murmur of "Geez, fine!" from Conner.
"Which one of your girlfriends are you picking up today, Conner?" I said making fun of him and the 17 girlfriends he currently had.
"Shut up I'm breaking up with Krissti today." Krissti was a really annoying girl everyone, including Conner, hated. Conner would have at least three girlfriends after he broke up with her.
I was getting my lunch money when mom announced that she was leaving. We all said ‘Bye' and left to go to school.
I was getting in Conner's car when I remembered I left my lunch money in the house on the counter in the kitchen. When I walked into the living room there was a man sitting on the couch I love to sit on oh so much.
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"What are you doing in here? How did you get in? Who are you?" I froze, this guy was creeping me out. I didn't know what to do so I decided to yell for Conner.
I started yelling for my older brother when the man disappeared just before I could start his name.
My mind was boggled by the time we got to school. Through every class I saw the man sitting in the farthest corners of every class.
My face must have been screwed up in the car home from sch0ol, because Conner kept asking what was going on. "Nothing." was the answer every time.
I didn't want to tell anyone about the man because I knew that I would be branded crazy by everyone I knew. My mom didn't get home until late and Conner had a date with one of his girlfriends, so I had the house to myself.
I was scrummaging for food when I found a note from my mom that said to order pizza and she had another interview. Conner got home at 11:00.
"Where's mom?" He was obviously relieved that he wouldn't be grounded, but I was worried.
"I don't KNOW! She hasn't been home at all today except for maybe a few minutes while she was writing this note!" I yelled pushing the paper in his face. "I'm sorry but I'm worried! Who is still at an interview at 11:00 at night!?!?"
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Post by Shades on Nov 9, 2005 23:27:07 GMT -5
Thats all and good, straight to the point, but just jumping from my dad died to something totally different, maybe talk about what it is like after your dad died or something.
-Shades, Admin
P.S. Keep at it sounds good so far.
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Post by ♠Kari♠ on Nov 11, 2005 22:33:40 GMT -5
Ha. I have been really busy lately I might write some more tomorrow but im not editing anything until im done with the second chapter. My friend is going to help me.. he thinks hes pro. -grin-
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