Post by Roger on Sept 6, 2005 19:36:23 GMT -5
This is an odd line of work for me, as I always tend to write fantasies, and I hope to publish a fantasy of mine within a few years, but take a look at this story, and I think you'll need a new definition for 'random'. It is quite random, and I intended it to be funny, which is also strange, as I usually write more serious stories, but enjoy. If I had finished it, it wouldn't be a short story, but, alas, I have not, nor do I intend to finish it, so it is a four page story that leaves you hanging. Have fun:
The Time Speed Chagger & Company- a story of three chaggers ready for anything.
Have you ever seen that magical contraption that has the exciting ability to conjure up a liquid to be drunken, diverted to splash on a friend, or even ducted to de-thirst a third world country when encouraged, invited, or even forced to? That is what Gus, Joseph, and Argon were witnessing on the very moment of May 17th, , 2007 A.D., 3:26:34 P.M. In simple terms, what the three youths were witnessing was a drinking fountain, but the one in front of them was one like they had never before seen.
When encouraged, invited, or forced, a regular drinking fountain would usually spurt the very foundation of life: water, but the one our three heroes encountered was one that spurted the very liquid that makes life advance, the very liquid that makes our civilization the way it is today: Apple Beer.
Gus, Joseph, and Argon could only stare at this marvelous work of art with their mouths hanging wide open ready for an innocent fly to go zooming in, causing them to choke, and forcing one of the other friends to either use the heimlich maneuver or call the paramedics, or do both, depending on how scared either one might be.
Luckily the owner of the gigantic house they had the pleasure to be in was sure to pay his butlers and maids enough to keep every fly out of his house, or rather, mansion, or castle, depending on how romantic you want this story to be.
Joseph held the button of the drinking fountain (which was gold plated) while the three could only stare at the stream of luscious liquid.
"Isn't it beautiful?" came a voice from behind them.
"It's- it's the loveliest thing I've ever seen," said Argon, still staring at the fountain.
"Yes," agreed Gus, "Me, too, that is, except for Vikki."
"No, not even Vikki," drooled Joseph. "Nothing…"
"Why, yes, of course," said the voice, its owner leaning between Gus and Argon and pushing Joseph's arm away from the button.
"Waste not, want not," said the voice.
"Oh, sorry," said Joseph sheepishly, "I guess we got carried away."
"Poor people like yourselves always get carried away with million dollar easter eggs like this," said the voice snobbishly.
"Well, I guess we've worn our welcome out," said Joseph sadly.
"You've only been here drinking my Apple Beer for two weeks, so, yes, I think it's time to go."
"Goodbye, Mister Folding," said Joseph.
"Yeah, your Apple Beer is delicious," said Gus.
"You're an overly-rich snob. Share the wealth once in a while," said Argon.
"Just because your life sucks doesn't mean you have to covet mine," said Mister Folding (also known as the voice) as he shooed the three out the massive front doors of his house.
"Don't think I'm getting soft. I only let you rats live at my house for the past two weeks because your so-called 'great aunt' owns half my stock. Send her my wishes! …that she'll kick the bucket… have a horrid trip home!"
"I'll give you a horrid trip home," said Argon rolling up his sleeves.
"No, don't do it!" Gus and Joseph said, running after Argon as he walked back up the stone steps towards Mister Folding.
Mister Folding squeaked like a mouse and hid behind the door as it slammed shut.
"Yeah, you know I can fold you, Folding. You're just a pinto bean in my hands," Argon said to the door as many clicks issued from it signaling that Mister Folding was locking his many locks.
"I've had it with that jumping jack," Argon said, popping his knuckles. "I don't care how much Apple Beer and other crap Aunt Jameson makes him give us."
"Come on," Gus said. "You can cool down at the library."
"Okay, whatever."
The three walked down the sidewalk for several blocks until they reached the library. It had pink stucco walls and pink carpet inside, but it was a good source for knowledge and a great place for Argon to blow some steam.
Amazing things are in abundance at libraries. There are also stupid things in abundance at libraries. Librarians, for example. So dull, so monotone. If only there was an enthusiastic librarian who didn't suspect every person of library felonies.
Joseph was looking for one of these amazing things. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he was looking in one of those sections that always promised amazing things. Argon and Gus were both using one of the computers. They were both being hacked, but library computers are always being hacked, so it didn't make any difference to them as long as the hackers let them use their internet time without being interrupted.
Joseph was having a hard time finding something really amazing. He scanned each title carefully and opened up ones that looked promising, but to no avail. Right as he opened up 'Latin for Dummies' something very hard and heavy fell upon his head. Joseph crumpled to the floor as darkness came over him.
"I'm dead," he thought, "And I'm traveling at the speed of light to heaven… I'm traveling faster than the speed of light so I can't even see any light right now… I wonder who killed me? And why? I don't even have any lunch money."
Joseph pondered why someone would kill him in a library for several moments, then he pondered why he hadn't reached heaven yet.
"Heaven must be very far away if I'm traveling faster than the speed of light and I haven't reached it yet. Perhaps it is so far away that I have to wait a century before I get there. It must be one hundred faster-than-light years away."
It seemed an eternity that Joseph was in darkness, and he began to get restless.
"If it's a hundred-year trip, they could at least have sent a friend along with me to make it a little less boring."
"Joseph?" He heard Gus call as if from a distance, "Joseph, are you alright?"
"Now that you're here. Did he kill you, too?" Joseph said.
"What is he talking about?" he heard Argon say.
"How many people did this guy kill? Was there a mass-murder at the library or something?" Joseph said.
"Joseph, you, like, got knocked out, or something."
Then Joseph opened his eyes, "Oh."
Joseph got up from the pink-carpeted floor and looked at what he stood up from to see if he could find out what had hit him. There were two books on the ground: The one he was reading when he got knocked out and another one, larger, and older. He picked up the larger and older one and looked at its title.
Your Time Speed Chagger and You:
Chagging Time Made Easy
By Sindrian Artotholemeu
Special Second Edition- Extras Included
"I think I found one," said Joseph, holding the book up to his two friends.
"What in all the kings horses and all the kings men is a Time Speed Chagger?" Argon said overdramatically.
"I'll check it out and then we can find out," Joseph said, already walking out from the shelves and to the check-out desk.
"Ooh! Latin for Dummies! Can you check this one out for me, Joseph?" Gus said excitedly.
"Oh, all right," Joseph said, snatching the book from Gus' hands.
Joseph took the two books to the checkout desk. The librarian checked out Latin for Dummies, but inquired of Your Time Speed Chagger and You.
"This isn't owned by the library. There's no barcode on the back, see? You must've handed it to me by mistake. Unless you'd like to donate it to the library?"
Only overly rich people who have enough cars to fill an airport parking tower and don't know what to do with their money donate books to libraries.
"Uh… no, it's mine. Give it here," Joseph said defensively. He snatched the books out of the librarian's hands and quickly walked out of the library, Gus and Argon following him. They followed him all the way back to his house.
"Come in, that is, if you want to see what this book is, 'cause I think I'm going to be reading it for a couple of hours," Joseph said when they reached his door.
Gus and Argon both wanted to know what a Time Speed Chagger was, so they followed Joseph into his room.
"Alright," Joseph said, thumbing through the pages, "Here's the foreword… There are three types of time and two other states: the past, the present, the future, and the void and the x-void. Here, I will explain how they work.
"Past. Past time is going too slow for us to see/feel/hear etc. It is still going, but too slow. For example, 1900 is going 100 years slower than 2000. It has always been going that slow, but as matter progresses through time, it gets more and more used to the future, and cannot exist in the past anymore. Only the present. Interesting sub-theory: The reason we can remember things is because our spirit isn't completely with the molecules of our body… it can kind of travel back through time and 'remember' things.
"Present. The Present is going the precise speed for matter to be in. Matter is always getting more and more used to the speed of the future, so it goes into the future, thus making it the present. Present is what matter is used to at the moment. We are always progressing, so we live in the present for only a small amount of time, so small it is immeasurable.
"Future. Future is going too fast for us to see/feel/hear etc. The future is where matter will be next second, minute, hour, day, etc. Opposite of the past, 2000 is going 100 years faster than 1900.
"The Void. The void is where our spirits go when matter cannot hold them any longer. Time speed does not exist in the void, making time travel possible.
"Time Travel. The only way to travel through time is either enter the void, or slow/quicken the speed of your matter or other matter to the speed of a different moment in time. Sometimes this happens unexpectedly, and a person/object seems to disappear and are never heard from again. They may end up when before the world was created, the ice ages, middle ages, our time, the future, or before time began (if there was a beginning) making their matter literally disappear and their spirits enter the void. There is no way to willfully change a chunk of matters speed.
"The X-Void. The X-Void is completely opposite the void. You cannot travel through time, you cannot even progress through time. This is another place your spirit may go if you live your life horribly. You are stuck in an awful state of misery forever, unable to change it. The X-Void is described as being totally physically disabled, for example, being hit by a car and living, but unable to move, talk, or communicate in any way, you are stuck inside of your head, wishing to be free, but unable to be...
"This was Doctor Julio Cortez's theory of time. I have come to find that it is all correct, except for one thing. There is one other way to travel through time besides entering The Void: Chagging Time! Now, you must be thinking, Chagging Time? What is that? It is exactly this: Using a machine to change the speed of a chunk of matters time, and I have invented this machine! I call it the Time Speed Chagger, because it chaggs the time speed of you (and some friends if you like) and itself.
"Please continue to read if you wish to build yourself a Time Speed Chagger and wish to learn more about how to chagg."
"It sounds interesting. Go on," said Argon.
"Let's see here," said Joseph looking in the table of contents; "How to build… Compact Chagger (1 passenger and cargo)… Mid-Size Chagger (2-3 Passengers and cargo)… Luxury Chagger (4-5 Passengers and cargo)… Limousine Chagger (6-7 Passengers and cargo)… Extras… and the Index… Should we build one?"
"Yeah!" said Argon enthusiastically.
"Even if it doesn't work!" said Gus, jumping up and down.
"Alright, we'll need a Mid-Size Chagger… page 133," Joseph turned to page 133.
"Hello, reader," read Joseph, "You have chosen to build the Mid-Size Chagger. This will take you approximately five days working seven hours per day.
"Step One: The Frame of Your Chagger. It does not matter what material you use for your frame, as long as it is a solid that will hold your weight and withstand some minor jostling. Below is a diagram with the several steps and helping hints and pointers on how to build your frame."
The three looked over the diagram, and it looked easy enough, but when they got down to actually building it, it did not go well.
For some reason, man has wanted total supremacy over his fellow beings, weather they be of his own species or not. Each person wants to do it one way, and another person a different way, and if you stick several people in a group and ask them to build a Time Speed Chagger, chances are they will each have different opinions on how it should be run and will soon have cutlasses at each other's throats. This is how it went for Gus, Argon, and Joseph as they tried to build the frame of the Mid-Size Time Speed Chagger, except they lacked cutlasses so, instead, they used whatever came in handy.
"This is ridiculous!" Shouted Joseph past a lamp shade in the clutches of Argon.
"I completely agree," said Gus, staring down the end of several uncooked spaghetti noodles in the hands of Joseph.
"Why don't we each build a third of the Chagger to exactness and not add anything that isn't in the diagram or take away anything that is. Agreed?" Joseph said as he pushed Gus' hand which was threateningly holding a soda can aside.
"Agreed," the two others agreed.
They all went their separate ways: Joseph into the shed; Argon behind it; and Gus into the bathroom. For many long hours they worked- until their bedtime came did they work.
Finally, after Gus' father had called three times for him to come home and Argon's mother once, and also Joseph's mother had called out the window an infinite amount of times, the three came back from their separate ways and began to converse with as much intelligence as was possible, especially with Gus there, in Joseph's room.
"I'm finished, are you?" asked Argon to the other two.
"Yes'm, I surely am," answered Gus.
"And so am I," said Joseph, "I think it's time we call it a night. We've been working for twelve hours straight. We can connect our sections tomorrow."
"Yes, I agree," agreed Gus as he collapsed into a chair.
Now, one may not possibly imagine how much physics can be metered, measured, and monitored during even an attosecond in this great and spacious expanse around us that the race of homo sapiens likes to call "The Earth", "The World", "Our Home Planet", "The Great and Spacious Expanse", and other like Latin-based names. Just when Gus collapsed in his chair, he set off a chain reaction of air molecules spiraling off into The Great and Spacious Expanse to reverberate off walls, create howling winds, cause airliners to crash and burn, burn burn, and other criminal activities. Although he did not and never will know it, Gus also set off a chain reaction of first plastic molecules (from the chair), then dirt molecules down into the ground and caused a respectable ant dynasty some anguish by collapsing some of their tunnels and frightening the ladies and their children. We must forgive Gus for his actions, for they were not voluntary nor self-induced- he was so tired and needed a rest. So what if some ants are frightened? The worst thing that could happen is that all the ants die from fright, the race of spiders dies out from no chocolate-covered-ant treats every alternate Friday, the race of rats and mice die out because there's no more spider-ice-cream-sundaes every weekend, the race of cats die out for there are no more scrumptious rat and mice sloppy joes every Monday and Thursday, and then the race of homo sapiens (which I mentioned earlier) dies out from lack of entertainment of watching cats get scared out of their furs, run over by cars, get in 'cat fights', stuck in trees, mauled by wild antelope, ground up by nano robots into catsup, and other induced distractions. So, Gus could really be the cause of the end of the world as we know it. Still, can we blame the poor boy?
The Time Speed Chagger & Company- a story of three chaggers ready for anything.
Have you ever seen that magical contraption that has the exciting ability to conjure up a liquid to be drunken, diverted to splash on a friend, or even ducted to de-thirst a third world country when encouraged, invited, or even forced to? That is what Gus, Joseph, and Argon were witnessing on the very moment of May 17th, , 2007 A.D., 3:26:34 P.M. In simple terms, what the three youths were witnessing was a drinking fountain, but the one in front of them was one like they had never before seen.
When encouraged, invited, or forced, a regular drinking fountain would usually spurt the very foundation of life: water, but the one our three heroes encountered was one that spurted the very liquid that makes life advance, the very liquid that makes our civilization the way it is today: Apple Beer.
Gus, Joseph, and Argon could only stare at this marvelous work of art with their mouths hanging wide open ready for an innocent fly to go zooming in, causing them to choke, and forcing one of the other friends to either use the heimlich maneuver or call the paramedics, or do both, depending on how scared either one might be.
Luckily the owner of the gigantic house they had the pleasure to be in was sure to pay his butlers and maids enough to keep every fly out of his house, or rather, mansion, or castle, depending on how romantic you want this story to be.
Joseph held the button of the drinking fountain (which was gold plated) while the three could only stare at the stream of luscious liquid.
"Isn't it beautiful?" came a voice from behind them.
"It's- it's the loveliest thing I've ever seen," said Argon, still staring at the fountain.
"Yes," agreed Gus, "Me, too, that is, except for Vikki."
"No, not even Vikki," drooled Joseph. "Nothing…"
"Why, yes, of course," said the voice, its owner leaning between Gus and Argon and pushing Joseph's arm away from the button.
"Waste not, want not," said the voice.
"Oh, sorry," said Joseph sheepishly, "I guess we got carried away."
"Poor people like yourselves always get carried away with million dollar easter eggs like this," said the voice snobbishly.
"Well, I guess we've worn our welcome out," said Joseph sadly.
"You've only been here drinking my Apple Beer for two weeks, so, yes, I think it's time to go."
"Goodbye, Mister Folding," said Joseph.
"Yeah, your Apple Beer is delicious," said Gus.
"You're an overly-rich snob. Share the wealth once in a while," said Argon.
"Just because your life sucks doesn't mean you have to covet mine," said Mister Folding (also known as the voice) as he shooed the three out the massive front doors of his house.
"Don't think I'm getting soft. I only let you rats live at my house for the past two weeks because your so-called 'great aunt' owns half my stock. Send her my wishes! …that she'll kick the bucket… have a horrid trip home!"
"I'll give you a horrid trip home," said Argon rolling up his sleeves.
"No, don't do it!" Gus and Joseph said, running after Argon as he walked back up the stone steps towards Mister Folding.
Mister Folding squeaked like a mouse and hid behind the door as it slammed shut.
"Yeah, you know I can fold you, Folding. You're just a pinto bean in my hands," Argon said to the door as many clicks issued from it signaling that Mister Folding was locking his many locks.
"I've had it with that jumping jack," Argon said, popping his knuckles. "I don't care how much Apple Beer and other crap Aunt Jameson makes him give us."
"Come on," Gus said. "You can cool down at the library."
"Okay, whatever."
The three walked down the sidewalk for several blocks until they reached the library. It had pink stucco walls and pink carpet inside, but it was a good source for knowledge and a great place for Argon to blow some steam.
Amazing things are in abundance at libraries. There are also stupid things in abundance at libraries. Librarians, for example. So dull, so monotone. If only there was an enthusiastic librarian who didn't suspect every person of library felonies.
Joseph was looking for one of these amazing things. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he was looking in one of those sections that always promised amazing things. Argon and Gus were both using one of the computers. They were both being hacked, but library computers are always being hacked, so it didn't make any difference to them as long as the hackers let them use their internet time without being interrupted.
Joseph was having a hard time finding something really amazing. He scanned each title carefully and opened up ones that looked promising, but to no avail. Right as he opened up 'Latin for Dummies' something very hard and heavy fell upon his head. Joseph crumpled to the floor as darkness came over him.
"I'm dead," he thought, "And I'm traveling at the speed of light to heaven… I'm traveling faster than the speed of light so I can't even see any light right now… I wonder who killed me? And why? I don't even have any lunch money."
Joseph pondered why someone would kill him in a library for several moments, then he pondered why he hadn't reached heaven yet.
"Heaven must be very far away if I'm traveling faster than the speed of light and I haven't reached it yet. Perhaps it is so far away that I have to wait a century before I get there. It must be one hundred faster-than-light years away."
It seemed an eternity that Joseph was in darkness, and he began to get restless.
"If it's a hundred-year trip, they could at least have sent a friend along with me to make it a little less boring."
"Joseph?" He heard Gus call as if from a distance, "Joseph, are you alright?"
"Now that you're here. Did he kill you, too?" Joseph said.
"What is he talking about?" he heard Argon say.
"How many people did this guy kill? Was there a mass-murder at the library or something?" Joseph said.
"Joseph, you, like, got knocked out, or something."
Then Joseph opened his eyes, "Oh."
Joseph got up from the pink-carpeted floor and looked at what he stood up from to see if he could find out what had hit him. There were two books on the ground: The one he was reading when he got knocked out and another one, larger, and older. He picked up the larger and older one and looked at its title.
Your Time Speed Chagger and You:
Chagging Time Made Easy
By Sindrian Artotholemeu
Special Second Edition- Extras Included
"I think I found one," said Joseph, holding the book up to his two friends.
"What in all the kings horses and all the kings men is a Time Speed Chagger?" Argon said overdramatically.
"I'll check it out and then we can find out," Joseph said, already walking out from the shelves and to the check-out desk.
"Ooh! Latin for Dummies! Can you check this one out for me, Joseph?" Gus said excitedly.
"Oh, all right," Joseph said, snatching the book from Gus' hands.
Joseph took the two books to the checkout desk. The librarian checked out Latin for Dummies, but inquired of Your Time Speed Chagger and You.
"This isn't owned by the library. There's no barcode on the back, see? You must've handed it to me by mistake. Unless you'd like to donate it to the library?"
Only overly rich people who have enough cars to fill an airport parking tower and don't know what to do with their money donate books to libraries.
"Uh… no, it's mine. Give it here," Joseph said defensively. He snatched the books out of the librarian's hands and quickly walked out of the library, Gus and Argon following him. They followed him all the way back to his house.
"Come in, that is, if you want to see what this book is, 'cause I think I'm going to be reading it for a couple of hours," Joseph said when they reached his door.
Gus and Argon both wanted to know what a Time Speed Chagger was, so they followed Joseph into his room.
"Alright," Joseph said, thumbing through the pages, "Here's the foreword… There are three types of time and two other states: the past, the present, the future, and the void and the x-void. Here, I will explain how they work.
"Past. Past time is going too slow for us to see/feel/hear etc. It is still going, but too slow. For example, 1900 is going 100 years slower than 2000. It has always been going that slow, but as matter progresses through time, it gets more and more used to the future, and cannot exist in the past anymore. Only the present. Interesting sub-theory: The reason we can remember things is because our spirit isn't completely with the molecules of our body… it can kind of travel back through time and 'remember' things.
"Present. The Present is going the precise speed for matter to be in. Matter is always getting more and more used to the speed of the future, so it goes into the future, thus making it the present. Present is what matter is used to at the moment. We are always progressing, so we live in the present for only a small amount of time, so small it is immeasurable.
"Future. Future is going too fast for us to see/feel/hear etc. The future is where matter will be next second, minute, hour, day, etc. Opposite of the past, 2000 is going 100 years faster than 1900.
"The Void. The void is where our spirits go when matter cannot hold them any longer. Time speed does not exist in the void, making time travel possible.
"Time Travel. The only way to travel through time is either enter the void, or slow/quicken the speed of your matter or other matter to the speed of a different moment in time. Sometimes this happens unexpectedly, and a person/object seems to disappear and are never heard from again. They may end up when before the world was created, the ice ages, middle ages, our time, the future, or before time began (if there was a beginning) making their matter literally disappear and their spirits enter the void. There is no way to willfully change a chunk of matters speed.
"The X-Void. The X-Void is completely opposite the void. You cannot travel through time, you cannot even progress through time. This is another place your spirit may go if you live your life horribly. You are stuck in an awful state of misery forever, unable to change it. The X-Void is described as being totally physically disabled, for example, being hit by a car and living, but unable to move, talk, or communicate in any way, you are stuck inside of your head, wishing to be free, but unable to be...
"This was Doctor Julio Cortez's theory of time. I have come to find that it is all correct, except for one thing. There is one other way to travel through time besides entering The Void: Chagging Time! Now, you must be thinking, Chagging Time? What is that? It is exactly this: Using a machine to change the speed of a chunk of matters time, and I have invented this machine! I call it the Time Speed Chagger, because it chaggs the time speed of you (and some friends if you like) and itself.
"Please continue to read if you wish to build yourself a Time Speed Chagger and wish to learn more about how to chagg."
"It sounds interesting. Go on," said Argon.
"Let's see here," said Joseph looking in the table of contents; "How to build… Compact Chagger (1 passenger and cargo)… Mid-Size Chagger (2-3 Passengers and cargo)… Luxury Chagger (4-5 Passengers and cargo)… Limousine Chagger (6-7 Passengers and cargo)… Extras… and the Index… Should we build one?"
"Yeah!" said Argon enthusiastically.
"Even if it doesn't work!" said Gus, jumping up and down.
"Alright, we'll need a Mid-Size Chagger… page 133," Joseph turned to page 133.
"Hello, reader," read Joseph, "You have chosen to build the Mid-Size Chagger. This will take you approximately five days working seven hours per day.
"Step One: The Frame of Your Chagger. It does not matter what material you use for your frame, as long as it is a solid that will hold your weight and withstand some minor jostling. Below is a diagram with the several steps and helping hints and pointers on how to build your frame."
The three looked over the diagram, and it looked easy enough, but when they got down to actually building it, it did not go well.
For some reason, man has wanted total supremacy over his fellow beings, weather they be of his own species or not. Each person wants to do it one way, and another person a different way, and if you stick several people in a group and ask them to build a Time Speed Chagger, chances are they will each have different opinions on how it should be run and will soon have cutlasses at each other's throats. This is how it went for Gus, Argon, and Joseph as they tried to build the frame of the Mid-Size Time Speed Chagger, except they lacked cutlasses so, instead, they used whatever came in handy.
"This is ridiculous!" Shouted Joseph past a lamp shade in the clutches of Argon.
"I completely agree," said Gus, staring down the end of several uncooked spaghetti noodles in the hands of Joseph.
"Why don't we each build a third of the Chagger to exactness and not add anything that isn't in the diagram or take away anything that is. Agreed?" Joseph said as he pushed Gus' hand which was threateningly holding a soda can aside.
"Agreed," the two others agreed.
They all went their separate ways: Joseph into the shed; Argon behind it; and Gus into the bathroom. For many long hours they worked- until their bedtime came did they work.
Finally, after Gus' father had called three times for him to come home and Argon's mother once, and also Joseph's mother had called out the window an infinite amount of times, the three came back from their separate ways and began to converse with as much intelligence as was possible, especially with Gus there, in Joseph's room.
"I'm finished, are you?" asked Argon to the other two.
"Yes'm, I surely am," answered Gus.
"And so am I," said Joseph, "I think it's time we call it a night. We've been working for twelve hours straight. We can connect our sections tomorrow."
"Yes, I agree," agreed Gus as he collapsed into a chair.
Now, one may not possibly imagine how much physics can be metered, measured, and monitored during even an attosecond in this great and spacious expanse around us that the race of homo sapiens likes to call "The Earth", "The World", "Our Home Planet", "The Great and Spacious Expanse", and other like Latin-based names. Just when Gus collapsed in his chair, he set off a chain reaction of air molecules spiraling off into The Great and Spacious Expanse to reverberate off walls, create howling winds, cause airliners to crash and burn, burn burn, and other criminal activities. Although he did not and never will know it, Gus also set off a chain reaction of first plastic molecules (from the chair), then dirt molecules down into the ground and caused a respectable ant dynasty some anguish by collapsing some of their tunnels and frightening the ladies and their children. We must forgive Gus for his actions, for they were not voluntary nor self-induced- he was so tired and needed a rest. So what if some ants are frightened? The worst thing that could happen is that all the ants die from fright, the race of spiders dies out from no chocolate-covered-ant treats every alternate Friday, the race of rats and mice die out because there's no more spider-ice-cream-sundaes every weekend, the race of cats die out for there are no more scrumptious rat and mice sloppy joes every Monday and Thursday, and then the race of homo sapiens (which I mentioned earlier) dies out from lack of entertainment of watching cats get scared out of their furs, run over by cars, get in 'cat fights', stuck in trees, mauled by wild antelope, ground up by nano robots into catsup, and other induced distractions. So, Gus could really be the cause of the end of the world as we know it. Still, can we blame the poor boy?
