Post by faithless on Aug 12, 2006 16:23:32 GMT -5
okay. i wrote this... thing. after playing a game called Gunz: The Duel. the characters are based off people i met playing it, but anything other then there names and basic personalities are purely made up.
... its quite long to be considered a fragment, but compared to what i want it to be, thats what it is. I'll copy the first 3 paragraphs... see what the rest of you think.
(i saw on some other forum site that you can have a link that would expand to show the rest of something if you clicked on it.. i was wondering if that was possible with this forum set-up so that it could go paragraph by paragraph or something, as not to crowd the window?
Deprivation, or as everyone called her, Dep, was lazing around in the rec room of the clan base camp. the rest of her party was out doing what she should be doing as well, work. She couldn't find it in herself to get up though... just laying there, sprawled over the beaten in couch, dreaming about the day she will finally summon the strength to tell the captain how she feels about him. Everyone knew him as Schisma, but she liked to call him Schiz. When the door behind her burst open, her hand instinctively dashed to the dagger on her belt, and she rolled off the couch, ready to throw the heavy bladed knife at whoever it was Schiz sent to get her off her ass and back to work. her fingers went numb, her arm went weak, and her heart skipped a beat as she realized that it was Schisma. the knife fell from her hand and clattered on the ground until she fell on top of it.
schisma shook his head at her, gave a short sigh, and began to talk
"dep... what will it take to get you to actually do something around here? you have reflexes like a cat, your a better shot then what Vassili zaitsev would be, and more luck then a bowl of lucky charms. but that still doesn't excuse you from performing your duties off the battlefield. toilets need to be cleaned, rifles need to be checked. and only knows how many reports you still have left to file."
before Schisma even got 3 words into his lecture dep rolled over on her back, and just let his sweet voice wash over her, even if he was trying to scold her. absently she picked up her knife and began toying with it... running her fingers up and down the blade. schisma noticed how little she was paying attention, and reached down to his grenade belt, and pulled off a flash-bang. he pulled the pin and threw it at her, then walked out the door and waited for it to go off. This scenario happened quite often, and dep had begun to move even before schiz's hand started to move. she got up, leaped over the couch and almost made it before the blinding white light and thundering boom left unsure of where exactly she was. when she hit the ground, she just layed there. blinking her eyes and batting at her ears, trying to get them to work again. she felt someone grab her wrist and try to pull her up. once she was on her feet, she wrapped on arm around who could only be Schisma and let him guide her to where she should be working.
with ehr arm around him she could feel how strong his muscles were, but also how tense they were... she didn't think he had much time to rest the past few days, and she almost frowned at it. she figured she should be making his life atleast a little bit easier by accually doing things, but it was fun teasing him like this. that almost made her giggle. by the time her eyes recovered, the change of the feel of the air, and the ground beneith her already told her that they were outside. still, her eyes surprised her with two people she hadn't seen before. one was a male. he was much taller then her,and she had to look up to see his flowing brown hair that almost hid his grey eyes. he had an angered look on his face, and he was directing it to schisma. the other person, was a girl, about 2 hands shorter then her, who kept all but two long red bangs of her otherwise black hair in a pony tail. she had big, blue eyes, and a certain look to her skin that made her jealous. she also, wore a mask of anger and looked at schisma.
she also decided to look at schisma. but with a worried expression. she say his mouth moving, but her ears were still ringing from waht happened earlier. when she looked back to the other two, the man was saying something. and back and forth her head swivled, trying to read their lips untill the ringing finally gave way. she wished her ears didn't stop ringing then.
the two other people were from the same clan. a much larger, stronger, and infuential clan, then our own. Schisma was tyring to convince the other two that more time was needed for some sort of payment, and that if they could be a little more patient he would make it worth their while. but the other man would have none of it. he started shouting, even though htey were no farther then a few meters apart fomr eachother. Schisma raised his hands trying to show that he didn't mean to offend him, or make him angry... but it did little to calm the other man down. suddenly, the girl, who was up untill now silent and motionless, touched the mans arm, who immediatly, if unwillingly, silenced himself. who took a moment, choosing her words carefully, spoke in a clear, almost song like voice.
"please excuse my friends lacks of control. however, please understand that our leader will be even less pleased then what he is to know that you still refuse to pay us. Your a smart man aren't you Captain Schisma? You know how great of a favor we are doing for you, keeping you and your people safe from the other clans. supplying you with arms and ammunition. You don't seem to appreciate that. So. you have one or two options right now. Die, or give us what we deserve."
Schismas gaze feel to the ground, a very dangerous thing to do, taking your eyes of your enemy. she could feel his shoulders fill with hatred and silent rage... but there were no toerh signs of it. his mouth moved as if he was calculating things and argueing with himself... he gave her a short glance and then looked back at the extortionist.
"I cannot give you what you are asking for, but ican give you something, or someone, rather, of extreme potential." the way he was forcing hte words out made it clear how much he didn't want to say them "The lady here beside me, is a strong fighter. she will help you find victory against the other clans."
She took her arm off him... and backed away.. unable to believe what he was doing. hes going to sell her, to them? she was digusted by the very idea of it, and slapped him.
"how DARE you think iam just something you can trade away whenever you think you need to!" she slapped him again "Why not pick Angel, or Corpse Fool?" this time, when she tried to slap him, she caught her hand, and squeezed it so hard her knees collapsed in pain.
he stared down at her, a regretfull look on his face "We've taken you as far as we can bring you... form now on we would only be holding you back from being everything you could be. These people can take you farther tthen what we can... just go with them" he threw her towards them and he walked away. she sat on the ground, watching through teary eyes as her abandoner just walked away. she got back onto her feet,and shouted after him " i hate you! how can you do this to me? after everythign i've done for you... Schisma? please don't go.. come back.... please?" he didn'ts otp... he didn't look back... he just kept walking...
the other girl suddenly laughed, Dep turned and glared at her, grabbed at her knife and tried to slashed savagely at her. the man got between them though, defelected her attack, grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm behind her back into a hammer lock. her tripped her, and her face went hard into the ground. he took her other arm, brought it behind her back, and tied it together with something that felt like braided silk. she kicke dand screamed and resisted in every way she could. untill her new owners finally got sick of it and hit the back of her head with something. everything started to fade, and the last thing she saw through clouded eyes was Schismas back.
Her eyes opened slowly... but once they realized they never stared at this ceiling before, she jumped up quickly. the sudden movement drove sharp needles of pain through her head and she fell to her knees. after gathering herself, she looked around. it was a plain, mostly white room. with 2 doors. one had a window and she could see it led out to a type of hallway, the other was pretty much a plastic barrier. she got on her feet and moved towards it, hearing her boots clap against the tiles. she looked down, but didn't see her usual outfit. what she did see, was plain brown clothes made of a tough and heavy material. it almost looked like a soldiers uniform. her head snapped up when the door to the hallway creaked open, and she felt slightly sick. her had still instincivly reached to her hip for her knife, but she grasped nothing but air.
The door creaked some more, and a head poked around the corner. she thought it looked familiar and wondered who it was when she spoke in the song like voice that told Dep exactly who it was.
"good to see your awake. I didn't want to have to do that to you, but you wouldn't have come queitly anyother way. we had the medical staff examine you, you should be fine later on today, you slept the worst of it off"
the girl walked into the room and closed the door behind her. she then handed Dep a folder "These documents will help you get accustomed to your life here. i'm sure you have noticed by now that we have taken your clothes. you can have them back once, or if, rather, you make it into the Blood Raven clan. anything that isn't included in that folder, you don't need to know about. You are currently ranked as recruit Deprivation. you may only enter rooms that are marked with the Rct. symbol. Other then a few simple rules that are strictly enforced, you have complete freedom."
with that, she smiled, bowed her head, and walked out. leaving dep to deal with the massive amount of information that was just handed to her. she started blankly at the door for a few minutes, watching the occasional head move by. she sat down on the floor, opened the folder and spread its contents across the floor. trying to see verything at once. there was a map, a list of rules, duties, ranks, privledges, facilities, and up coming events. she took the map, and started towards the door. she looked out the window to see if anyone was coming, which the wasn't, and opened the door. she walked aimlessly the whole day, trying to accustom herself with her new surrondings. as she turned to go down one hallway, she saw a large figure turn to come up. the closer they got to eachother, the more she realized that it was the man that had ultimatly dragged her here. she looked down and away, trying to avoid attention. when she heard him stop moving, she knew that he did notice her. she looked at him. he looked back, and opened his mouth
"Go back to your room. its late, you start tomorrow, and i believe you need rest."
she nodded quickly, and hurried down the hall. she didn't look back, but she could feel his eyes following her.
The next day. she was awakened by someone running up and down the halls banging on all the doors shouting to get up. she gurmbled, rolled over, and tried ot go back to sleep. soon the runner was replaced by a large about of shuffling, moaning people, just like her. her door opened and someone shouted that she better get up. she waved him off and cuddled into her blankets again. the person musn't of taken the sign and stormed in, grabbed her by her hair, and dragged her out screaming. she scratch at his hand trying to get him to let go, when he did, he pulled her onto her feet, and pushed her in front of him. she mubbled a few curses and walked. an odd shove every now and then pointing her in the right direction. she saw her kidnapper again, and tried to turn the other way.
"thank you Jack, i'll oversee her actions from here." Jack, nodded, and shoved her towards him, then turn, and went about his own buisness.
"Deprivation" he continued "Schisma put in a good word about you, so you can skip the basics. we have assigned you to take part in a mission. Schisma told us of your prefered wepaons, and we will assign them to you." he moved closer, and half whispered to her ear only "you won't be alone in this. the others will watch you, so don't do anything stupid"
Deprivation toyed with her dagger. running her fingers along the blade. the truck hit a bump in the road and the blade dug into her fingers, which started to bleed. the person siting across from her gave a chuckle, and she sutck her tongue out at him, then licked the blood away. all she had to do today was to safeguard a VIP. there was only 5 people, including her. Beaker, was the funny guy of the group. but there was nothing funny about the Nico machinegun he carried. then you had MJ and JM, who where borther and sister. Jm carried a heavy shotgun, but MJ carried a high powered rifle. the leaderof the group, Fallen Angel, had a mini revolved in either hand and a grenade launcher slung at his hip. Dep felt so inferior, using only her dagger, a handfull of grenades, and a pistol. She shook her head, and wished it was her and Schisma.
The truck made a hard right that sent her flying from the truck. she put out her hand and fell into a roll, then saw a rocket fly by her face. well, that solves the question of why the drive did that. they didn't even get to the VIP and they already got shot at.
... its quite long to be considered a fragment, but compared to what i want it to be, thats what it is. I'll copy the first 3 paragraphs... see what the rest of you think.
(i saw on some other forum site that you can have a link that would expand to show the rest of something if you clicked on it.. i was wondering if that was possible with this forum set-up so that it could go paragraph by paragraph or something, as not to crowd the window?
Deprivation, or as everyone called her, Dep, was lazing around in the rec room of the clan base camp. the rest of her party was out doing what she should be doing as well, work. She couldn't find it in herself to get up though... just laying there, sprawled over the beaten in couch, dreaming about the day she will finally summon the strength to tell the captain how she feels about him. Everyone knew him as Schisma, but she liked to call him Schiz. When the door behind her burst open, her hand instinctively dashed to the dagger on her belt, and she rolled off the couch, ready to throw the heavy bladed knife at whoever it was Schiz sent to get her off her ass and back to work. her fingers went numb, her arm went weak, and her heart skipped a beat as she realized that it was Schisma. the knife fell from her hand and clattered on the ground until she fell on top of it.
schisma shook his head at her, gave a short sigh, and began to talk
"dep... what will it take to get you to actually do something around here? you have reflexes like a cat, your a better shot then what Vassili zaitsev would be, and more luck then a bowl of lucky charms. but that still doesn't excuse you from performing your duties off the battlefield. toilets need to be cleaned, rifles need to be checked. and only knows how many reports you still have left to file."
before Schisma even got 3 words into his lecture dep rolled over on her back, and just let his sweet voice wash over her, even if he was trying to scold her. absently she picked up her knife and began toying with it... running her fingers up and down the blade. schisma noticed how little she was paying attention, and reached down to his grenade belt, and pulled off a flash-bang. he pulled the pin and threw it at her, then walked out the door and waited for it to go off. This scenario happened quite often, and dep had begun to move even before schiz's hand started to move. she got up, leaped over the couch and almost made it before the blinding white light and thundering boom left unsure of where exactly she was. when she hit the ground, she just layed there. blinking her eyes and batting at her ears, trying to get them to work again. she felt someone grab her wrist and try to pull her up. once she was on her feet, she wrapped on arm around who could only be Schisma and let him guide her to where she should be working.
with ehr arm around him she could feel how strong his muscles were, but also how tense they were... she didn't think he had much time to rest the past few days, and she almost frowned at it. she figured she should be making his life atleast a little bit easier by accually doing things, but it was fun teasing him like this. that almost made her giggle. by the time her eyes recovered, the change of the feel of the air, and the ground beneith her already told her that they were outside. still, her eyes surprised her with two people she hadn't seen before. one was a male. he was much taller then her,and she had to look up to see his flowing brown hair that almost hid his grey eyes. he had an angered look on his face, and he was directing it to schisma. the other person, was a girl, about 2 hands shorter then her, who kept all but two long red bangs of her otherwise black hair in a pony tail. she had big, blue eyes, and a certain look to her skin that made her jealous. she also, wore a mask of anger and looked at schisma.
she also decided to look at schisma. but with a worried expression. she say his mouth moving, but her ears were still ringing from waht happened earlier. when she looked back to the other two, the man was saying something. and back and forth her head swivled, trying to read their lips untill the ringing finally gave way. she wished her ears didn't stop ringing then.
the two other people were from the same clan. a much larger, stronger, and infuential clan, then our own. Schisma was tyring to convince the other two that more time was needed for some sort of payment, and that if they could be a little more patient he would make it worth their while. but the other man would have none of it. he started shouting, even though htey were no farther then a few meters apart fomr eachother. Schisma raised his hands trying to show that he didn't mean to offend him, or make him angry... but it did little to calm the other man down. suddenly, the girl, who was up untill now silent and motionless, touched the mans arm, who immediatly, if unwillingly, silenced himself. who took a moment, choosing her words carefully, spoke in a clear, almost song like voice.
"please excuse my friends lacks of control. however, please understand that our leader will be even less pleased then what he is to know that you still refuse to pay us. Your a smart man aren't you Captain Schisma? You know how great of a favor we are doing for you, keeping you and your people safe from the other clans. supplying you with arms and ammunition. You don't seem to appreciate that. So. you have one or two options right now. Die, or give us what we deserve."
Schismas gaze feel to the ground, a very dangerous thing to do, taking your eyes of your enemy. she could feel his shoulders fill with hatred and silent rage... but there were no toerh signs of it. his mouth moved as if he was calculating things and argueing with himself... he gave her a short glance and then looked back at the extortionist.
"I cannot give you what you are asking for, but ican give you something, or someone, rather, of extreme potential." the way he was forcing hte words out made it clear how much he didn't want to say them "The lady here beside me, is a strong fighter. she will help you find victory against the other clans."
She took her arm off him... and backed away.. unable to believe what he was doing. hes going to sell her, to them? she was digusted by the very idea of it, and slapped him.
"how DARE you think iam just something you can trade away whenever you think you need to!" she slapped him again "Why not pick Angel, or Corpse Fool?" this time, when she tried to slap him, she caught her hand, and squeezed it so hard her knees collapsed in pain.
he stared down at her, a regretfull look on his face "We've taken you as far as we can bring you... form now on we would only be holding you back from being everything you could be. These people can take you farther tthen what we can... just go with them" he threw her towards them and he walked away. she sat on the ground, watching through teary eyes as her abandoner just walked away. she got back onto her feet,and shouted after him " i hate you! how can you do this to me? after everythign i've done for you... Schisma? please don't go.. come back.... please?" he didn'ts otp... he didn't look back... he just kept walking...
the other girl suddenly laughed, Dep turned and glared at her, grabbed at her knife and tried to slashed savagely at her. the man got between them though, defelected her attack, grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm behind her back into a hammer lock. her tripped her, and her face went hard into the ground. he took her other arm, brought it behind her back, and tied it together with something that felt like braided silk. she kicke dand screamed and resisted in every way she could. untill her new owners finally got sick of it and hit the back of her head with something. everything started to fade, and the last thing she saw through clouded eyes was Schismas back.
Her eyes opened slowly... but once they realized they never stared at this ceiling before, she jumped up quickly. the sudden movement drove sharp needles of pain through her head and she fell to her knees. after gathering herself, she looked around. it was a plain, mostly white room. with 2 doors. one had a window and she could see it led out to a type of hallway, the other was pretty much a plastic barrier. she got on her feet and moved towards it, hearing her boots clap against the tiles. she looked down, but didn't see her usual outfit. what she did see, was plain brown clothes made of a tough and heavy material. it almost looked like a soldiers uniform. her head snapped up when the door to the hallway creaked open, and she felt slightly sick. her had still instincivly reached to her hip for her knife, but she grasped nothing but air.
The door creaked some more, and a head poked around the corner. she thought it looked familiar and wondered who it was when she spoke in the song like voice that told Dep exactly who it was.
"good to see your awake. I didn't want to have to do that to you, but you wouldn't have come queitly anyother way. we had the medical staff examine you, you should be fine later on today, you slept the worst of it off"
the girl walked into the room and closed the door behind her. she then handed Dep a folder "These documents will help you get accustomed to your life here. i'm sure you have noticed by now that we have taken your clothes. you can have them back once, or if, rather, you make it into the Blood Raven clan. anything that isn't included in that folder, you don't need to know about. You are currently ranked as recruit Deprivation. you may only enter rooms that are marked with the Rct. symbol. Other then a few simple rules that are strictly enforced, you have complete freedom."
with that, she smiled, bowed her head, and walked out. leaving dep to deal with the massive amount of information that was just handed to her. she started blankly at the door for a few minutes, watching the occasional head move by. she sat down on the floor, opened the folder and spread its contents across the floor. trying to see verything at once. there was a map, a list of rules, duties, ranks, privledges, facilities, and up coming events. she took the map, and started towards the door. she looked out the window to see if anyone was coming, which the wasn't, and opened the door. she walked aimlessly the whole day, trying to accustom herself with her new surrondings. as she turned to go down one hallway, she saw a large figure turn to come up. the closer they got to eachother, the more she realized that it was the man that had ultimatly dragged her here. she looked down and away, trying to avoid attention. when she heard him stop moving, she knew that he did notice her. she looked at him. he looked back, and opened his mouth
"Go back to your room. its late, you start tomorrow, and i believe you need rest."
she nodded quickly, and hurried down the hall. she didn't look back, but she could feel his eyes following her.
The next day. she was awakened by someone running up and down the halls banging on all the doors shouting to get up. she gurmbled, rolled over, and tried ot go back to sleep. soon the runner was replaced by a large about of shuffling, moaning people, just like her. her door opened and someone shouted that she better get up. she waved him off and cuddled into her blankets again. the person musn't of taken the sign and stormed in, grabbed her by her hair, and dragged her out screaming. she scratch at his hand trying to get him to let go, when he did, he pulled her onto her feet, and pushed her in front of him. she mubbled a few curses and walked. an odd shove every now and then pointing her in the right direction. she saw her kidnapper again, and tried to turn the other way.
"thank you Jack, i'll oversee her actions from here." Jack, nodded, and shoved her towards him, then turn, and went about his own buisness.
"Deprivation" he continued "Schisma put in a good word about you, so you can skip the basics. we have assigned you to take part in a mission. Schisma told us of your prefered wepaons, and we will assign them to you." he moved closer, and half whispered to her ear only "you won't be alone in this. the others will watch you, so don't do anything stupid"
Deprivation toyed with her dagger. running her fingers along the blade. the truck hit a bump in the road and the blade dug into her fingers, which started to bleed. the person siting across from her gave a chuckle, and she sutck her tongue out at him, then licked the blood away. all she had to do today was to safeguard a VIP. there was only 5 people, including her. Beaker, was the funny guy of the group. but there was nothing funny about the Nico machinegun he carried. then you had MJ and JM, who where borther and sister. Jm carried a heavy shotgun, but MJ carried a high powered rifle. the leaderof the group, Fallen Angel, had a mini revolved in either hand and a grenade launcher slung at his hip. Dep felt so inferior, using only her dagger, a handfull of grenades, and a pistol. She shook her head, and wished it was her and Schisma.
The truck made a hard right that sent her flying from the truck. she put out her hand and fell into a roll, then saw a rocket fly by her face. well, that solves the question of why the drive did that. they didn't even get to the VIP and they already got shot at.
