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Post by Scraith on Feb 14, 2007 17:40:42 GMT -5
I have experienced this place. I have lived here for many years. I have walked its streets, breathed its air, Strolled through its forests and fields.
I have met many of its people. I have made friends, I have made enemies. I have heard the voices of those I’ve never met. I’ve loved some, I’ve lost some, I’ve left some behind.
I have been a child here. I grew up too fast here. I have been naïve and innocent. I’ve sometimes known too much, Heard and seen too much, Or not enough about too many things.
I’ve read its history. I’ve gone to some historic places. I’ve lived to have heard of major historic events that may not have happened here specifically, But I experienced them here.
I’ve been to parks, to beaches, public libraries, public schools, Hospitals, main government building. Shops, houses, hiking trails. I’ve probably played on every soccer field by now.
I’ve dealt with its weather. I’ve been snowed in, I’ve walked through blizzards, I’ve stayed home and missed school because of it. I’ve gone outside to play. I’ve danced in the rain, and through sprinklers in the summer. I’ve complained about the heat after having had such a long, cold winter. I’ve melted, I’ve nearly frozen to death. Had heatstroke, been frostbitten.
I have lived here for many years, and I’ve experienced this place enough. I’m done.
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Post by vermilition on Feb 16, 2007 4:18:00 GMT -5
its good but there is one thing the timeing i always try too read through a poem in fluid movements eazing from one line too another but In this case I couldn't there are a couple of places where the tempo is mucked up by a big word or a big line or a line that is out of place
this is the main one for me it just doesnt flow
maybe you could find some alternative lines
but over all its not bad
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Post by Shades on Feb 19, 2007 18:19:43 GMT -5
It's good, not great though. It has a nice constant flow, but at the same time seems a little repetitive, and sounds like something read at a school essembly.
Don't take that as me saying its horrible, because it isnt, its good, but could be better.
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