Escape the Euphemisms, Roof it.

[josh]

Told he was very deep,
rolled up and knocked out cold.

Told me too 'fore, get.

So I went and I got,
Got and got and got.

Then before I could get anymore,
I got another.

Told me he was in the slumber room.
Slumber room?

Rolled up and knocked out cold.

Just remember 'fore, and get.

Oh, escape it all, the stupidity,
lack of civility and common courtesy.

So I escape, and I get and I get.

Opened windows,
Closed doors.
The chairs in the way,
and the ones that aren't.

Groove, and groove and groove.
Bring it all in.
'Fore, get.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this because I had a conversation with someone about climbing out bedroom windows on to rooftops, so I decided to write a poem. I did however think that just writing about a rooftop would be boring so I added the whole death angle for emphasis, and to give the title meaning.

Dig.

[Shades]

i saw two things in that poem that really didnt belong or broke that flow, that i keep talking about lol.

first of fyou have that question

Slumber room?

that shouldnt be there, it should just be taken in and not questioned, because that breaks the form and flow of the poem.

second was;


Groove, and groove and groove.
Bring it all in.
'Fore, get.

groove groove groove? i don't know how exactly that relates to the rest of the poem unless you trying to make it into a song, otherwise if you dont have a reason for it, i'd take it out and add in a different last stanza that flows and fits witht he rest of the poem, get what I'm saying

other then that, once again i love your poem, very good, very original once again, not something you hear everyday.

7.5/10