Post by Fletcher on May 21, 2007 20:09:19 GMT -5
Ugg... This was after a horse died, and so I was kinda depressed, so its more emotion than writing. Critiques are very welcome, especially on the ending stanza
Oh, and the title "Wish" is tentative... So yup.
Up… then down… up… and down…
Slowly, so achingly slow, does your breath come.
Every pause I clench my fists tighter
Praying to everything that you will not die.
I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.
I can’t bear losing you.
I remember when you trotted as fast as you could,
Defying even the simple act of going into the canter.
I remember when someone dropped their stirrups,
You would dig your hooves into the ground and refuse to go.
So different from you now.
Your golden form, sprawled across the stall,
Mottled with hay and dirt and sweat.
Up… then down… up… and down…
Your flanks heave with the simple act of breathing.
All of your gilded mischief has left you as you fight to live.
I refuse to think what life would be like without you.
I refuse to believe that my life may go on without you.
I can’t live without you slobbering all over me.
I can’t live without you resting your head on my shoulder while you sleep.
I can’t live without mucking out your stall.
I can’t live without you.
The vet rests her hand on my shoulder, her voice is soft.
“What happened? What did he get into? What did he eat so much of?”
I rock forward and back, tears streaming down my face.
Because your pain is my pain. Your life is mine.
I can only gasp “I don’t know. Please help him, I don’t know.”
I want her to tell me that you’re going to be fine. I need her to tell me.
I need it to be the truth. But she doesn’t. Because it isn’t.
Up… then down… up… and down…
I almost cry out in agony. Your breath is coming slower.
Someone, anyone, please help me, I can’t live without you.
I try to remember the first time I saw you.
You danced on the end of a lead rope, the picture of an imp even then.
The last time I led you, I was crying.
Because we walked forward and back, forward and back.
Because if we didn’t keep walking, if you didn’t keep moving,
Then your own furious and fitful rolling would have killed you.
But maybe you will live. Maybe now you can live.
“There is nothing more I can do. There is nothing more anyone can do.”
The vet says. Her voice proves her own defeat.
And I know. I am going to lose you.
“I can euthanize him now. It is better than letting him die slowly.”
My mother looks at me, trying to tell me the decision is mine.
But it isn’t. Not really.
How can I choose whether to end your life now, painlessly,
Or keep a few more minutes, maybe a few more hours with you, painful?
I can’t do this. Please, don’t make me do this.
Up… then down... still down… and down…
I never had to choose.
You never took another breath.
You rested your head against me one final time.
I think you were saying goodbye to me.
I felt my soul rip in two, a part leaving to go with you.
I felt your life fall far away.
Please, someone help me, you’re gone.
I never regretted that you chose your own death, rather than having me choose.
That day, I regretted almost nothing. My last words to you were love.
The last time you saw me, you knew that I loved you.
I was there when you died, holding your head.
I was there when you started to feel pain.
I wish I had been there when you nibbled the yew, but I wasn’t, the day before you died.
I’ve only regretted one thing about your death.
To this day, I still weep and collapse that I didn’t.
I only wish one thing about that day.
I only wish that I had gone your way,
I only wish I had died with you.
Oh, and the title "Wish" is tentative... So yup.
Up… then down… up… and down…
Slowly, so achingly slow, does your breath come.
Every pause I clench my fists tighter
Praying to everything that you will not die.
I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.
I can’t bear losing you.
I remember when you trotted as fast as you could,
Defying even the simple act of going into the canter.
I remember when someone dropped their stirrups,
You would dig your hooves into the ground and refuse to go.
So different from you now.
Your golden form, sprawled across the stall,
Mottled with hay and dirt and sweat.
Up… then down… up… and down…
Your flanks heave with the simple act of breathing.
All of your gilded mischief has left you as you fight to live.
I refuse to think what life would be like without you.
I refuse to believe that my life may go on without you.
I can’t live without you slobbering all over me.
I can’t live without you resting your head on my shoulder while you sleep.
I can’t live without mucking out your stall.
I can’t live without you.
The vet rests her hand on my shoulder, her voice is soft.
“What happened? What did he get into? What did he eat so much of?”
I rock forward and back, tears streaming down my face.
Because your pain is my pain. Your life is mine.
I can only gasp “I don’t know. Please help him, I don’t know.”
I want her to tell me that you’re going to be fine. I need her to tell me.
I need it to be the truth. But she doesn’t. Because it isn’t.
Up… then down… up… and down…
I almost cry out in agony. Your breath is coming slower.
Someone, anyone, please help me, I can’t live without you.
I try to remember the first time I saw you.
You danced on the end of a lead rope, the picture of an imp even then.
The last time I led you, I was crying.
Because we walked forward and back, forward and back.
Because if we didn’t keep walking, if you didn’t keep moving,
Then your own furious and fitful rolling would have killed you.
But maybe you will live. Maybe now you can live.
“There is nothing more I can do. There is nothing more anyone can do.”
The vet says. Her voice proves her own defeat.
And I know. I am going to lose you.
“I can euthanize him now. It is better than letting him die slowly.”
My mother looks at me, trying to tell me the decision is mine.
But it isn’t. Not really.
How can I choose whether to end your life now, painlessly,
Or keep a few more minutes, maybe a few more hours with you, painful?
I can’t do this. Please, don’t make me do this.
Up… then down... still down… and down…
I never had to choose.
You never took another breath.
You rested your head against me one final time.
I think you were saying goodbye to me.
I felt my soul rip in two, a part leaving to go with you.
I felt your life fall far away.
Please, someone help me, you’re gone.
I never regretted that you chose your own death, rather than having me choose.
That day, I regretted almost nothing. My last words to you were love.
The last time you saw me, you knew that I loved you.
I was there when you died, holding your head.
I was there when you started to feel pain.
I wish I had been there when you nibbled the yew, but I wasn’t, the day before you died.
I’ve only regretted one thing about your death.
To this day, I still weep and collapse that I didn’t.
I only wish one thing about that day.
I only wish that I had gone your way,
I only wish I had died with you.
