Post by Eolith on Aug 10, 2005 16:15:44 GMT -5
I rewrote the entire last scene of Romeo and Juliet as a English assignment. My teacher gave me full score. If you can, it would probably be the most fun to read this with a copy of the real thing there with you. That way you'll see the more subtle twists... but even without the real thing it should be a pretty fun read. I got full score on this thing after my teacher read it. ;D
Scene 1
Romeo enters apothecary.
APOTHECARY:
Who calls so loud?
ROMEO:
Come hither, man. I see that thou art poor.
He offers money.
Hold, there is forty ducats. Let me have
A dram of poison, such soon-speeding gear
As will disperse itself though all the veins,
That the life-weary taker may fall dead,
And that the trunk may be discharged of breath
As violently as hasty powder fired
Doth hurry from the fatal cannon’s womb.
APOTHECARY:
Such mortal drugs I may posses, but Mantua’s law
Is death to any he that utters them.
ROMEO:
Art thou so bare and full of wretchedness,
And fearest to die? Famine is in thy cheeks,
Need and oppression starveth in thy eyes,
Contempt and beggary hangs upon thy back.
The world is not thy friend, nor the world’s law.
The world affords no law to make thee rich.
Then be not poor, but break it, and take this.
APOTHECARY:
My poverty, but not my will, consents.
My will should be stronger than my poverty.
ROMEO:
I pay thy poverty and not thy will.
APOTHECARY, (giving him the vial)
Put this in any liquid thing you will
And drink it off, it will dispatch you straight.
ROMEO, (handing him the money)
There is thy gold, worse poison to men’s souls,
Doing more murder in this loathsome world
Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell.
I sell thee poison; thou hast sold me none.
Farewell, buy food, and get thyself in flesh.
Apothecary pockets the money
Come, cordial and not poison, go with me
To Juliet’s grave, for there must I use thee.
Romeo exits
APOTHECARY:
Thy humors are not equal, foolish man.
Thou needest a purge to clean thy soul
Apothecary exits
Scene 2
Enter Friar John
FRIAR JOHN:
Holy Franciscan Friar, Yo Dude!
Greetings from the Backstreet Brothers!
Enter Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Thy speech is strange, but it is good to see thee,
Welcome from Mantua Friar John. What says Romeo?
Or, if his mind be writ, give me his letter.
FRIAR JOHN:
Going to find a barefoot brother out,
One of our like order, to associate me,
Here in this city visiting the sick,
And finding him, the like searchers of the town,
Suspecting that we both were in a house
Where the gnarly pestilence did reign,
Sealed up the doors and would not like let us forth,
So that my speed to like Mantua there was stayed.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Who bare my letter, then, to Romeo?
FRIAR JOHN:
I could not like send it (here it is again)
Returning the letter.
Nor could I get like a messenger to bring it thee,
So fearful were they of infection.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Unhappy fortune! By my brotherhood,
The letter was not nice but full of charge,
Of dear import, and the neglecting it
May do much danger. Friar John, go hence.
Get me an iron crow and bring it straight
Unto my cell.
FRIAR JOHN:
Dude, I’ll go and like bring it thee.
He exits
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Now must I to the monument alone.
Within this three hours will fair Juliet wake.
She will beshrew me much that Romeo
Hath had no notice of these accidents.
But I will write again to Mantua,
And keep her at my cell till Romeo come.
Poor living corse, closed in a dead man’s tomb!
They exit
Scene 3
Enter Paris and his Page
PARIS:
Give me thy torch, boy. Hence and stand aloof.
Yet put it out, for I would not be seen.
Under yond yew trees lay thee all along,
Holding thy ear close to the hollow ground.
So shall no foot upon the churchyard tread
(Being loose, unfirm, with digging up of graves)
But thou shalt hear it . Whistle then to me
As a signal that thou hearest something approach.
Give me those flowers. Do as I bid thee. Go.
PAGE, aside
I am almost afraid to stand alone
Here in the churchyard. Yet I will adventure.
He moves away from Paris
PARIS, (scattering flowers)
Sweet flower, with flowers thy bridal bed I strew
(O woe, thy canopy is dust and stones!)
Which with sweet water nightly I will dew,
Or, wanting that, with tears distilled by moans.
The obsequies that I for thee will keep
Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep.
Page whistles
The boy gives warning something doth approach.
What cursed foot wanders this way tonight,
To cross my obsequies and true love’s right?
What, with a torch? Muffle me, night, awhile.
He steps aside
Enter Romeo and Balthasar
ROMEO:
Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron.
Hold take this letter. Early in the morning
See thou deliver it to my lord and father.
Give me the light. Upon my life I charge thee,
Whate’er thou hearest or seeest, stand all aloof
And do not interrupt me in my course.
Why I descend into this bed of death
Is partly to behold my lady’s face,
But chiefly to take thence from her dead finger
A precious ring, a ring that I must use
In dear employment. Therefore hence, begone.
But, if thou, jealous, does return to pry
In what I farther shall intend to do,
By heaven I will tear thee joint by joint
And strew this hungry churchyard with thy limbs.
The time and my intents are savage-wild,
More fierce and more inexorable far
Than empty tigers or the roaring sea.
BALTHASAR:
I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
ROMEO:
So shalt thou show me friendship. Take thou that.
Giving money
Live and be prosperous, and farewell, good fellow.
BALTHASAR, aside
For all this same, I’ll hide me hereabout.
His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt.
He steps aside.
ROMEO, beginning to force open the tomb
Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death,
Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth,
Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open,
And in despite I’ll cram thee with more food.
PARIS:
That is the banished haughty Montague
That murdered my love’s cousin, with which grief
It is supposed that the fair creature died,
And here is come to do some villainous shame
To the dead bodies. I will apprehend him.
Stepping forward
Stop thy unhallowed toil, vile Montague.
Can vengeance be pursued farther than death?
Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee.
Obey and go with me, for thou must die.
ROMEO:
I must indeed, and therefore I came hither.
Good gentle youth, tempt not a desp’rate man.
Fly hence and leave me. Think upon these gone.
Let them affright thee. I beseech thee, youth,
Put not another sin upon my head
By urging me to fury. O, begone!
By heaven, I love thee better than myself,
For I come hither armed against myself.
Stay not, begone, live, and hereafter say
A madman’s mercy bid thee run away.
PARIS:
I do defy thy commination
And apprehend thee for a felon here.
ROMEO:
Wilt thou provoke me? Then have at thee, boy!
They draw and fight.
PAGE:
O lord, they fight! I will go call the watch.
He exits
PARIS:
O I am slain! If thou be merciful,
Open the tomb; lay me with Juliet.
ROMEO:
Thou art not murdered!
Sit thee up; ‘tis not a deathly wound.
Wrap this about thy waist, there now.
Lay thee there, thy page will bring the watch
and find thee in a fair state.
He resumes forcing the tomb open.
What said my man when my betosséd soul
Did not attend as we rode? I think
He told me thee should have married Juliet,
Said he not so? Or did I dream it so?
Or am I mad, hearing thee talk of Juliet,
To think it was so?
PARIS:
Thou art mad even if I have mentioned fair Juliet.
Why dost thee open the grave of my past lady?
ROMEO, opening the tomb
A grave? O, no. A lantern, noble youth,
For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes
This vault a feasting presence full of light. –
Leaves Paris at entrance
How oft when men are at the point of death
Have they been merry, which their keepers call
A light’ning before death! O, how may I
Call this a light’ning? – O my love, my wife,
Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.
Thou art not conquered. Beauty’s ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death’s pale flag is not advanced there. –
Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?
O, what more favor can I do thee
Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain
To sunder his that was thine enemy?
Forgive me, cousin. – Ah dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so fair? Shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is armorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that I still will stay will thee
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again. Here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chambermaids. O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! And, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavory guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here’s to my love!
Drinks potion
Thus with a kiss I die.
Collapses dramatically
Scene 4
Enter Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Saint Francis be my speed! How oft to-night
Have my feet stumbled at graves! Who’s there?
BALTHASAR:
Here’s one, a friend, and one that knows you well.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Bliss be on you! Tell me, my good friend,
What torch is yond, that vainly lends his light
To grubs and eyeless skulls? As I discern,
It burneth in the Capels’ monument.
BALTHASAR:
It doth so, holy sir: and there’s my master,
One that you love.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Who is it?
BALTHASAR:
Romeo.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
How long hath he been there?
BALTHASAR:
Full half an hour.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Go with me to the vault.
BALTHASAR:
I dare not, sir: My master knows not but I am gone hence;
And fearfully did menace me with death,
If I did stay and look on his intents.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Stay, then; I’ll go alone. Fear comes upon me:
O much I fear some ill unthrifty thing.
BALTHASAR:
As I did sleep under this tree here,
I dreamt my master and another fought,
And that my master injured him.
FRIAR LAWRENCE, moving towards the tomb
Romeo! –
Alack, alack, who is it that lies here so weakly?
PARIS:
O good Friar aid me, the villain Romeo hath
Left me here, bleeding and vulnerable.
FRIAR LAWRENCE, examining wound
Where hath Romeo gone? Is he within the tomb?
PARIS:
He ran past me not a minute ago,
Clutching his gut and cursing fervidly.
FRIAR LAWRENCE, rewrapping the wound
Thy wound is shallow but deep enough to
Keep thee abed for awhile. Lie still,
I will search for the villain of which you speak.
Leaves Paris
Romeo!… Romeooo!
ROMEO, crouched at the base of a tree.
Friar Lawrence? Is it thy kind voice I hear?
Thou art a welcome sight as I die, the poison
Works too slow. O if only I might see
Apothecary again, I’d rend his head from his
Body! Tell me Friar, what herb is it that this
Vial held, to make me so miserable.
Tosses the vial to Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE, smelling the vial
‘Tis not a poison but oil of Castor,
A purgative meant to equal thy humors.
Thy Apothecary hath tricked thee,
And thus he hath saved thy life, and thy Lady’s
Love.
ROMEO:
What? My lady is dead. I witnessed her deathlike appearance.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Thank almighty God that He did not let thee
Commit the sin of suicide!
Sweet Juliet will wake any moment. We must be
There to greet her, else she will grow fearful.
Come now, make haste, we haven’t time to waste!
ROMEO:
Is it truth that thou speak? It cannot be, do not
Deceive me; my heart has been torn beyond hope.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Romeo, thou art a foolish man, but if it is what thee
Wishes, thee shall stay here; I will meet thy lady as
She wakes.
Friar Lawrence enters the tomb.
Juliet? Fair Lady of the Capulets art thou wakened?
JULIET:
O comfortable friar! I was afraid thou would not come!
This tomb of my family is such a dreadful place.
Where is my Romeo? Thou promised me he would be
Present as I woke.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Thy young lord awaits thee just without the tomb,
As does thy suitor, Paris.
JULIET:
Paris! Why is he hither? Has he discovered our plan?
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Nay, by unlucky chance he came across
Romeo as he came to be at thy side.
He challenged thy good lord to a duel.
He lies now against the tomb doorway,
For Romeo hath wounded him.
Enough of this talk!
I hear some noise. Lady, come from that nest
Of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep.
Romeo will be killed if he is found. Come, come
Away.
They start away from the tomb.
Enter Paris’ page and watch.
PAGE:
This is the place; there, where the torch doth burn.
FIRST WATCH:
The ground is bloody- there lies the boy’s Master,
He is alive, but faint, and wounded
Go, some of you, whoever you find attach.
The men spread out, and return with Juliet,
Romeo, Friar Lawrence, and Balthasar.
What? A strange party this, how is it
That a dead Capulet, a banished Montague,
A holy friar, a servant, and county Paris
Came all hither this night?
By rights I could slay thee now, Romeo of
Montague. Men, Bring the Prince: run to the Capulets:
Raise up the Montagues: we will solve this mystery!
Scene 5
Enter Prince and attendants
PRINCE:
What misadventure is so early up,
That calls our person from our morning’s rest?
Enter Capulet and his wife with others.
CAPULET:
What should it be, that is so shreik’d abroad?
LADY CAPULET:
O the people in the street call Romeo,
Some Juliet and some Paris; and all run,
With open outcry, toward our monument.
PRINCE:
What fear is this, which startles in our ears?
FIRST WATCH:
Sovereign, here lies the county Paris; bleeding
And Romeo in great pains: and Juliet, dead no more.
PRINCE:
How has this come to pass? That my kinsman would be
Wounded?
FIRST WATCH:
Here is a friar, and Romeo’s man,
With instruments upon them fit to open
These dead men’s tombs.
CAPULET:
O heavens! O wife, look how our daughter attends
To villainous Romeo of Montague!
Enter Montague.
PRINCE:
Come Montague, for thou art early up
To see thy son and heir now return’ed
From his flight, to face punishment.
JULIET, taking Romeo’s dagger
No! If thou killest my husband, I’ll plunge his
Dagger into my heart!
LADY CAPULET:
What? Thy husband is–
ROMEO, lunging for dagger
Nay! Fair Juliet, return me my dagger,
Its blade is not meant for thy heart!
LADY CAPULET:
Juliet, my sweet child, tell me thee
Did not claim that Romeo is thy husband!
FRIAR LAWERENCE:
Romeo, there standing, is husband to Juliet,
And she, there standing, is Romeo’s faithful wife.
I married them, and their stol’n marriage day
Was Tybalt’s doomsday, whose untimely death
Banishes the new-made bridegroom from this city,
For whom, and not for Tybalt, Juliet pines.
You, to remove that siege of grief from her,
Betrothed and would have married her perforce
To County Paris. Then she came to me,
And with wild looks bid me devise some mean
To rid her from this second marriage,
Or in my cell there would she kill herself.
Then I gave her (so tutored by my art)
A sleeping potion, which so took effect
As I intended, for it wrought on her
The form of death. Meantime I writ to Romeo
That he should hither come as this dire night
To help take her from her borrowed grave,
Being the time the potion’s force should cease.
But he which bore my letter, Friar John,
Was stayed by accident, and yesternight
Returned my letter back. Then all alone
At the prefixèd hour of her waking
Came I to take her from her kindred’s vault,
Meaning to keep her closely at my cell
‘Till I conveniently could send to Romeo.
But when I came, some minute ere the time
Of her awakening, here I found noble Paris
Wounded, and true Romeo in the throes
Of pain induced by a purgative sold to him by
An Apothecary, when indeed he meant for it
To be his death.
CAPULET:
O brother Montague, give me thy hand.
It seems that fate would have us be friends.
That, and it is my daughter’s jointure, for no more
Can I demand.
MONTAGUE:
We are unwilling fathers-in-law, but
It seems best that we become as fathers
Should be, allies and acquaintances to each other.
PRINCE:
Is it done then? Are your families no longer
Blood lusting enemies, but partners?
Then I will lift my law, and pardon Romeo of
His crime. But with fair Juliet, they will not
Bear the name of Montague, or Capulet, for
Both are known as deceitful, and foolish,
Instead, I bestow upon them a new estate,
And a new name. Their name will be remembered
And revered forever, it shall be… Piza!
MONTAGUE:
To show my willingness, I shall have a statue of
Fair Juliet made in gold, and erect it in their manor.
PRINCE:
Then come, let us discuss further our intentions.
Never was there a story of more low comedy,
Than that of Juliet and her dear Romeo.
(After someone fiddled with the story,
That is.)
They exit.
The End! Woot! What do you think?
Scene 1
Romeo enters apothecary.
APOTHECARY:
Who calls so loud?
ROMEO:
Come hither, man. I see that thou art poor.
He offers money.
Hold, there is forty ducats. Let me have
A dram of poison, such soon-speeding gear
As will disperse itself though all the veins,
That the life-weary taker may fall dead,
And that the trunk may be discharged of breath
As violently as hasty powder fired
Doth hurry from the fatal cannon’s womb.
APOTHECARY:
Such mortal drugs I may posses, but Mantua’s law
Is death to any he that utters them.
ROMEO:
Art thou so bare and full of wretchedness,
And fearest to die? Famine is in thy cheeks,
Need and oppression starveth in thy eyes,
Contempt and beggary hangs upon thy back.
The world is not thy friend, nor the world’s law.
The world affords no law to make thee rich.
Then be not poor, but break it, and take this.
APOTHECARY:
My poverty, but not my will, consents.
My will should be stronger than my poverty.
ROMEO:
I pay thy poverty and not thy will.
APOTHECARY, (giving him the vial)
Put this in any liquid thing you will
And drink it off, it will dispatch you straight.
ROMEO, (handing him the money)
There is thy gold, worse poison to men’s souls,
Doing more murder in this loathsome world
Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell.
I sell thee poison; thou hast sold me none.
Farewell, buy food, and get thyself in flesh.
Apothecary pockets the money
Come, cordial and not poison, go with me
To Juliet’s grave, for there must I use thee.
Romeo exits
APOTHECARY:
Thy humors are not equal, foolish man.
Thou needest a purge to clean thy soul
Apothecary exits
Scene 2
Enter Friar John
FRIAR JOHN:
Holy Franciscan Friar, Yo Dude!
Greetings from the Backstreet Brothers!
Enter Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Thy speech is strange, but it is good to see thee,
Welcome from Mantua Friar John. What says Romeo?
Or, if his mind be writ, give me his letter.
FRIAR JOHN:
Going to find a barefoot brother out,
One of our like order, to associate me,
Here in this city visiting the sick,
And finding him, the like searchers of the town,
Suspecting that we both were in a house
Where the gnarly pestilence did reign,
Sealed up the doors and would not like let us forth,
So that my speed to like Mantua there was stayed.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Who bare my letter, then, to Romeo?
FRIAR JOHN:
I could not like send it (here it is again)
Returning the letter.
Nor could I get like a messenger to bring it thee,
So fearful were they of infection.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Unhappy fortune! By my brotherhood,
The letter was not nice but full of charge,
Of dear import, and the neglecting it
May do much danger. Friar John, go hence.
Get me an iron crow and bring it straight
Unto my cell.
FRIAR JOHN:
Dude, I’ll go and like bring it thee.
He exits
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Now must I to the monument alone.
Within this three hours will fair Juliet wake.
She will beshrew me much that Romeo
Hath had no notice of these accidents.
But I will write again to Mantua,
And keep her at my cell till Romeo come.
Poor living corse, closed in a dead man’s tomb!
They exit
Scene 3
Enter Paris and his Page
PARIS:
Give me thy torch, boy. Hence and stand aloof.
Yet put it out, for I would not be seen.
Under yond yew trees lay thee all along,
Holding thy ear close to the hollow ground.
So shall no foot upon the churchyard tread
(Being loose, unfirm, with digging up of graves)
But thou shalt hear it . Whistle then to me
As a signal that thou hearest something approach.
Give me those flowers. Do as I bid thee. Go.
PAGE, aside
I am almost afraid to stand alone
Here in the churchyard. Yet I will adventure.
He moves away from Paris
PARIS, (scattering flowers)
Sweet flower, with flowers thy bridal bed I strew
(O woe, thy canopy is dust and stones!)
Which with sweet water nightly I will dew,
Or, wanting that, with tears distilled by moans.
The obsequies that I for thee will keep
Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep.
Page whistles
The boy gives warning something doth approach.
What cursed foot wanders this way tonight,
To cross my obsequies and true love’s right?
What, with a torch? Muffle me, night, awhile.
He steps aside
Enter Romeo and Balthasar
ROMEO:
Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron.
Hold take this letter. Early in the morning
See thou deliver it to my lord and father.
Give me the light. Upon my life I charge thee,
Whate’er thou hearest or seeest, stand all aloof
And do not interrupt me in my course.
Why I descend into this bed of death
Is partly to behold my lady’s face,
But chiefly to take thence from her dead finger
A precious ring, a ring that I must use
In dear employment. Therefore hence, begone.
But, if thou, jealous, does return to pry
In what I farther shall intend to do,
By heaven I will tear thee joint by joint
And strew this hungry churchyard with thy limbs.
The time and my intents are savage-wild,
More fierce and more inexorable far
Than empty tigers or the roaring sea.
BALTHASAR:
I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
ROMEO:
So shalt thou show me friendship. Take thou that.
Giving money
Live and be prosperous, and farewell, good fellow.
BALTHASAR, aside
For all this same, I’ll hide me hereabout.
His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt.
He steps aside.
ROMEO, beginning to force open the tomb
Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death,
Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth,
Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open,
And in despite I’ll cram thee with more food.
PARIS:
That is the banished haughty Montague
That murdered my love’s cousin, with which grief
It is supposed that the fair creature died,
And here is come to do some villainous shame
To the dead bodies. I will apprehend him.
Stepping forward
Stop thy unhallowed toil, vile Montague.
Can vengeance be pursued farther than death?
Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee.
Obey and go with me, for thou must die.
ROMEO:
I must indeed, and therefore I came hither.
Good gentle youth, tempt not a desp’rate man.
Fly hence and leave me. Think upon these gone.
Let them affright thee. I beseech thee, youth,
Put not another sin upon my head
By urging me to fury. O, begone!
By heaven, I love thee better than myself,
For I come hither armed against myself.
Stay not, begone, live, and hereafter say
A madman’s mercy bid thee run away.
PARIS:
I do defy thy commination
And apprehend thee for a felon here.
ROMEO:
Wilt thou provoke me? Then have at thee, boy!
They draw and fight.
PAGE:
O lord, they fight! I will go call the watch.
He exits
PARIS:
O I am slain! If thou be merciful,
Open the tomb; lay me with Juliet.
ROMEO:
Thou art not murdered!
Sit thee up; ‘tis not a deathly wound.
Wrap this about thy waist, there now.
Lay thee there, thy page will bring the watch
and find thee in a fair state.
He resumes forcing the tomb open.
What said my man when my betosséd soul
Did not attend as we rode? I think
He told me thee should have married Juliet,
Said he not so? Or did I dream it so?
Or am I mad, hearing thee talk of Juliet,
To think it was so?
PARIS:
Thou art mad even if I have mentioned fair Juliet.
Why dost thee open the grave of my past lady?
ROMEO, opening the tomb
A grave? O, no. A lantern, noble youth,
For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes
This vault a feasting presence full of light. –
Leaves Paris at entrance
How oft when men are at the point of death
Have they been merry, which their keepers call
A light’ning before death! O, how may I
Call this a light’ning? – O my love, my wife,
Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.
Thou art not conquered. Beauty’s ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death’s pale flag is not advanced there. –
Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?
O, what more favor can I do thee
Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain
To sunder his that was thine enemy?
Forgive me, cousin. – Ah dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so fair? Shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is armorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that I still will stay will thee
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again. Here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chambermaids. O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! And, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavory guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here’s to my love!
Drinks potion
Thus with a kiss I die.
Collapses dramatically
Scene 4
Enter Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Saint Francis be my speed! How oft to-night
Have my feet stumbled at graves! Who’s there?
BALTHASAR:
Here’s one, a friend, and one that knows you well.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Bliss be on you! Tell me, my good friend,
What torch is yond, that vainly lends his light
To grubs and eyeless skulls? As I discern,
It burneth in the Capels’ monument.
BALTHASAR:
It doth so, holy sir: and there’s my master,
One that you love.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Who is it?
BALTHASAR:
Romeo.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
How long hath he been there?
BALTHASAR:
Full half an hour.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Go with me to the vault.
BALTHASAR:
I dare not, sir: My master knows not but I am gone hence;
And fearfully did menace me with death,
If I did stay and look on his intents.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Stay, then; I’ll go alone. Fear comes upon me:
O much I fear some ill unthrifty thing.
BALTHASAR:
As I did sleep under this tree here,
I dreamt my master and another fought,
And that my master injured him.
FRIAR LAWRENCE, moving towards the tomb
Romeo! –
Alack, alack, who is it that lies here so weakly?
PARIS:
O good Friar aid me, the villain Romeo hath
Left me here, bleeding and vulnerable.
FRIAR LAWRENCE, examining wound
Where hath Romeo gone? Is he within the tomb?
PARIS:
He ran past me not a minute ago,
Clutching his gut and cursing fervidly.
FRIAR LAWRENCE, rewrapping the wound
Thy wound is shallow but deep enough to
Keep thee abed for awhile. Lie still,
I will search for the villain of which you speak.
Leaves Paris
Romeo!… Romeooo!
ROMEO, crouched at the base of a tree.
Friar Lawrence? Is it thy kind voice I hear?
Thou art a welcome sight as I die, the poison
Works too slow. O if only I might see
Apothecary again, I’d rend his head from his
Body! Tell me Friar, what herb is it that this
Vial held, to make me so miserable.
Tosses the vial to Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE, smelling the vial
‘Tis not a poison but oil of Castor,
A purgative meant to equal thy humors.
Thy Apothecary hath tricked thee,
And thus he hath saved thy life, and thy Lady’s
Love.
ROMEO:
What? My lady is dead. I witnessed her deathlike appearance.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Thank almighty God that He did not let thee
Commit the sin of suicide!
Sweet Juliet will wake any moment. We must be
There to greet her, else she will grow fearful.
Come now, make haste, we haven’t time to waste!
ROMEO:
Is it truth that thou speak? It cannot be, do not
Deceive me; my heart has been torn beyond hope.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Romeo, thou art a foolish man, but if it is what thee
Wishes, thee shall stay here; I will meet thy lady as
She wakes.
Friar Lawrence enters the tomb.
Juliet? Fair Lady of the Capulets art thou wakened?
JULIET:
O comfortable friar! I was afraid thou would not come!
This tomb of my family is such a dreadful place.
Where is my Romeo? Thou promised me he would be
Present as I woke.
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Thy young lord awaits thee just without the tomb,
As does thy suitor, Paris.
JULIET:
Paris! Why is he hither? Has he discovered our plan?
FRIAR LAWRENCE:
Nay, by unlucky chance he came across
Romeo as he came to be at thy side.
He challenged thy good lord to a duel.
He lies now against the tomb doorway,
For Romeo hath wounded him.
Enough of this talk!
I hear some noise. Lady, come from that nest
Of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep.
Romeo will be killed if he is found. Come, come
Away.
They start away from the tomb.
Enter Paris’ page and watch.
PAGE:
This is the place; there, where the torch doth burn.
FIRST WATCH:
The ground is bloody- there lies the boy’s Master,
He is alive, but faint, and wounded
Go, some of you, whoever you find attach.
The men spread out, and return with Juliet,
Romeo, Friar Lawrence, and Balthasar.
What? A strange party this, how is it
That a dead Capulet, a banished Montague,
A holy friar, a servant, and county Paris
Came all hither this night?
By rights I could slay thee now, Romeo of
Montague. Men, Bring the Prince: run to the Capulets:
Raise up the Montagues: we will solve this mystery!
Scene 5
Enter Prince and attendants
PRINCE:
What misadventure is so early up,
That calls our person from our morning’s rest?
Enter Capulet and his wife with others.
CAPULET:
What should it be, that is so shreik’d abroad?
LADY CAPULET:
O the people in the street call Romeo,
Some Juliet and some Paris; and all run,
With open outcry, toward our monument.
PRINCE:
What fear is this, which startles in our ears?
FIRST WATCH:
Sovereign, here lies the county Paris; bleeding
And Romeo in great pains: and Juliet, dead no more.
PRINCE:
How has this come to pass? That my kinsman would be
Wounded?
FIRST WATCH:
Here is a friar, and Romeo’s man,
With instruments upon them fit to open
These dead men’s tombs.
CAPULET:
O heavens! O wife, look how our daughter attends
To villainous Romeo of Montague!
Enter Montague.
PRINCE:
Come Montague, for thou art early up
To see thy son and heir now return’ed
From his flight, to face punishment.
JULIET, taking Romeo’s dagger
No! If thou killest my husband, I’ll plunge his
Dagger into my heart!
LADY CAPULET:
What? Thy husband is–
ROMEO, lunging for dagger
Nay! Fair Juliet, return me my dagger,
Its blade is not meant for thy heart!
LADY CAPULET:
Juliet, my sweet child, tell me thee
Did not claim that Romeo is thy husband!
FRIAR LAWERENCE:
Romeo, there standing, is husband to Juliet,
And she, there standing, is Romeo’s faithful wife.
I married them, and their stol’n marriage day
Was Tybalt’s doomsday, whose untimely death
Banishes the new-made bridegroom from this city,
For whom, and not for Tybalt, Juliet pines.
You, to remove that siege of grief from her,
Betrothed and would have married her perforce
To County Paris. Then she came to me,
And with wild looks bid me devise some mean
To rid her from this second marriage,
Or in my cell there would she kill herself.
Then I gave her (so tutored by my art)
A sleeping potion, which so took effect
As I intended, for it wrought on her
The form of death. Meantime I writ to Romeo
That he should hither come as this dire night
To help take her from her borrowed grave,
Being the time the potion’s force should cease.
But he which bore my letter, Friar John,
Was stayed by accident, and yesternight
Returned my letter back. Then all alone
At the prefixèd hour of her waking
Came I to take her from her kindred’s vault,
Meaning to keep her closely at my cell
‘Till I conveniently could send to Romeo.
But when I came, some minute ere the time
Of her awakening, here I found noble Paris
Wounded, and true Romeo in the throes
Of pain induced by a purgative sold to him by
An Apothecary, when indeed he meant for it
To be his death.
CAPULET:
O brother Montague, give me thy hand.
It seems that fate would have us be friends.
That, and it is my daughter’s jointure, for no more
Can I demand.
MONTAGUE:
We are unwilling fathers-in-law, but
It seems best that we become as fathers
Should be, allies and acquaintances to each other.
PRINCE:
Is it done then? Are your families no longer
Blood lusting enemies, but partners?
Then I will lift my law, and pardon Romeo of
His crime. But with fair Juliet, they will not
Bear the name of Montague, or Capulet, for
Both are known as deceitful, and foolish,
Instead, I bestow upon them a new estate,
And a new name. Their name will be remembered
And revered forever, it shall be… Piza!
MONTAGUE:
To show my willingness, I shall have a statue of
Fair Juliet made in gold, and erect it in their manor.
PRINCE:
Then come, let us discuss further our intentions.
Never was there a story of more low comedy,
Than that of Juliet and her dear Romeo.
(After someone fiddled with the story,
That is.)
They exit.
The End! Woot! What do you think?
