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Post by BurningSoul on Mar 30, 2007 15:54:59 GMT -5
A cool breeze came from the east as the sun set, tossing a few autumn leave up into the air. As the wind died away, tehy fell softly back to the ground, making a barely audible rustling as they hit one another. In the tree above the scene on a low branch, Aislin stirred.
Her right hand moved slightly towards the edge of the branch in her subconcious, and she pulled it back jsut as it slipped from the tree limb. She opened her eyes and pushed herself up lazily into a sitting position. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and, her legs dangling down from either side of the branch.
Her cheek was pink from where she had been lying on her arm, and she ran her palm over it twice in a trance-like state before allowing her hand to plop back down into her lap.
She glanced around with a frown on her face and peered over the branch towards the ground. Her sketchbook lay on the ground, both open and face-down in a pile of leaves. She sighed in a bit of a frustrated manner and swung her leg over the branch to meet the other, and slid from the branch, the bark occasionally catching the denim jeans she wore.
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Post by BurningSoul on Mar 30, 2007 15:56:40 GMT -5
Okay you guys, I know it's really short, but I haven't the time to type any more right now. I will type more every day (everyday that I can, that is). I wasn't exactally sure where to put this either. It's about lycans, but I really don't know. If it doesn't go here, feel free to move it. XD
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Post by BurningSoul on Mar 30, 2007 20:45:33 GMT -5
[purple] She hit the ground softly and rose from the crouching position in which she landed to gain her balance. She brushed bits of earth off of her palms and picked up the sketchbook. She brushed off the cover and then proceeded to flip it, ridding the inside of earth as well. She smoothed a bent page with her fingertips and moved her hand to the metal spirals binding her beloved drawing notebook.
Her eyes scanned the mossen ground and came to a stop at the tree. As the base of the trunk lay her sketching pencil. She walked over and retreived the utencil, tucking it into it's proper place in the spirals of the notebook.
She turned to dace the rest of the park and she stareted across it, her brown hair swaying in the gentle wind. A curly lock fell into her pale face, covering one bright green eye. She removed it in one swift motion of tucking it behind her ear.
She went to the swings, noticing that she still had time left. When she set down her things and had taken a seat on the swing, night had fallen. The moon was shining brilliantly from behind the tree, and Aislin smiled. Tomorrow would be a full moon, but she didn't know for sure if she wanted it to be. She swung her legs back and forth, propelling herself higher on the swing. When she reached her desired height, she leapt from it.
Her laughter filled the quiet, night-time air as she hit the ground and tumbled in the sand beneith the swings. A small puff of sand-smoke hovered above the ground like a foggy mist momentarily, until settling back down and fading away.
Aislin came to a stop on her back and looked up at the night sky above her. Stars speckled across it like millions of ever-glowing fireflies in the pitch-black space. Aislin watched in wonder as a shooting star streaked across the sky. She never tired of the endless beauty that shone so brilliantly after the sunset. It was like...as whole new world.[/purple]
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Post by Miss Paradox on Mar 31, 2007 19:36:49 GMT -5
Extremely well-written I must say, good diction and variety. The only problem I have is that you have all this gorgeous text and description but... nothing happens.  That's about it. =] Good job, and do write more! |
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Post by BurningSoul on Apr 1, 2007 13:48:51 GMT -5
hehe. I did it on purpose, just to bore you Leah. Don't worry, it gets better. XD Would you mind moving the thread? It's in the wrong catagory. I think it'd be under Romance, A/A or Mystery. It's not much of a horror. All I know is that it doesn't belong here. XP I'll post more later.
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Post by Shades on Apr 1, 2007 23:16:33 GMT -5
K developing the character and establishing the setting is awesome, but you gotta make something happen when you done.... so make sure you got something BANG to wake the reader up,
well written though good job
--5 Writer Points Awarded to Burning Soul
--20 Writer Points Awarded to Paradox, for being active and critiquing.
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Post by Miss Paradox on Apr 3, 2007 14:06:50 GMT -5
I would if I could, dear but unfortunately I can't and the prior is therefore irrelevent. Though tis not in horror, rather, but sprititual/supernatural... which, however, also suits it just as well as horror would. In other words, in no way whatsoever unless your Lycans are considered 'spiritual'.
And to my dear Shades; I love you. xD -huggles points-
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Post by BurningSoul on May 12, 2007 15:08:40 GMT -5
My friend is reading the book right now (I FINISHED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!) so I haven't posted more. I really think you will like it. She is almost finished, so I'll try to type more once I get it back. Sorry this is taking so long.
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